someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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