Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
