They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
