You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
