Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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