the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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