I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
