Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
