Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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