I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
