If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
