im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
