I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
