I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
