if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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