are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
