i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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