I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
