If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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