You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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