Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
