People with herpes should wear stickers.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
