yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
