A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
