thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
