I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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