he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
