Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think my vagina is haunted
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
