you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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