dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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