so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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