im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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