He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
