I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
