you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Your cock deserves a montage
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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