My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
