I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
