I got chris browned last night
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
