I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
