Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I met the friendliest cop last night
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Randomize
