weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
