Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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