did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
