I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
