Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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