Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
