You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
