i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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