I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
