i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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