1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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