just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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