tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my shit smells like andre
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
