She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
