if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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