Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
