I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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