I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Terrible idea I love it
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
