garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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