Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The struggles of a small town man whore
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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