tonight lets celebrate not being married
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
