My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
