I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i think im in europe. pls send help
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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