fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
