There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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