Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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